I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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