dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize