Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
