put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
