Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
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