There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It's never too late to be topless.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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