# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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