why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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