i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
