Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I touched a dick in church today
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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