Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
are you so shy because you have an std?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
