She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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