I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
