okay pat passed out under dana's car
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I have surprise drugs for everyone
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
