all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
