Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
