Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
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