one two three fourrrrnication!
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
