after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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