No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
