I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He passed out mid-signature
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
