Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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