Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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