someone owes me an orgasm
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
