Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
