Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize