why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
