i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
