I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
40s are totally the cure
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
