My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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