Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
