As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
