It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
