Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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