I think im going to throw up on grandma
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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