Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
