There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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