She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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