I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
