I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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