how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
