Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
