I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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