come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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