If that was your dad, he is hot
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Dignity is for republicans.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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