I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
