I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
