I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
