Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i came on her dog
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
