I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
