It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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