If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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