Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
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