I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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