Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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