Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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