shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
