my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
