And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
