...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
