just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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