my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
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