Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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