i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
