I wish I could teleport
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Can I color on your dick again?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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