I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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