Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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