Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
