I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
