Already got asked if we're dating
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
