you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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