it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
