so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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