I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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