dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
