either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
