oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
