How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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