There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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