We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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