btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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