Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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