I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you win again, gameday.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
