no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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