i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
