the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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