somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
