I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
