Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Brb crying the tears of my youth
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
