So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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