i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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