i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
