Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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