seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Randomize
