I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize