His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
People in love make me want to vomit
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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