this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
