i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
