we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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