we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
