this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize