if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
