The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
