you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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