u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
