I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
