Dual....:-)
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
