Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
