On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I didn't notice because vodka
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
