I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
