Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
