Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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