I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
