do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
