i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
